{"id":694,"date":"2014-01-31T01:12:33","date_gmt":"2014-01-31T01:12:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jenfrederick.com\/?p=694"},"modified":"2014-01-31T01:12:33","modified_gmt":"2014-01-31T01:12:33","slug":"charlotte-xiv","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jenfrederick.com\/test\/charlotte-xiv\/","title":{"rendered":"Charlotte XIV"},"content":{"rendered":"

Charlotte<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cSo you\u2019re having nighttime visitors now?\u201d Dad asks me over dinner. Mom\u2019s at a work dinner and it\u2019s just the two of us. Choking on my apple sauce, I cough until half of it is up my nose. Lovely. Dad hands me a napkin impassively not looking at all sorry that I almost choked to death in front of him. Dramatic of me? Yes, a little but I feel like this situation calls for a spectacle to distract his attention. I wipe away the bits of apple sauce and then push away from the table, ignoring his question.<\/p>\n

\u201cGreta is coming over soon, can I be excused?\u201d<\/p>\n

Dad sighs heavily and then rubs the back of his neck which signals his frustration. That he doesn\u2019t yell at me or start lecturing make me feel guilty and I hop over and wrap my arms around his broad shoulders. \u201cDaddy, it\u2019s just Nate.\u201d<\/p>\n

He gives me a return squeeze on both of my arms. \u201cIt might be just Nate to you but it\u2019s a seventeen year old boy lying in my daughter\u2019s bed all night long.\u201d He\u2019s more resigned than anything. Mom must have gotten to him but his dismay makes me feel worse than a lecture. \u201cI\u2019m torn between loving the kid and wanting to pound him into the dirt.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think Uncle Noah or Aunt Grace would be happy with getting Nate back in a dustbin,\u201d I joke lamely.<\/p>\n

Dad scowls. \u201cThen maybe he should sleep in his own damn bed.\u201d<\/p>\n

I say nothing but inwardly I\u2019m clutching my hands together in joy. Dad\u2019s current state of unhappiness suggests that maybe last night wasn\u2019t an anomaly. Could I expect more visits from Nate? \u00a0\u201cI\u2019m going away soon and I want to spend as much time as I can with the Jacksons.\u201d<\/p>\n

He opens his mouth to say something but the intercom rings and it\u2019s the doorman telling us that my friend Greta is on her way upstairs. Dad doesn\u2019t release me right away though. \u201cI\u2019m trusting you, Charlotte, to do the right thing.\u201d He swivels in his chair and gives me a hard look. \u201cI\u2019m relying on both of you to make sure that nothing happens that you wouldn\u2019t be proud of telling your parents about the next day. Can I do that?\u201d<\/p>\n

I should tell him yes. I love my daddy but three weeks is a long time and I have plans for Nate. Plans that include things that I don\u2019t want to share with my parents, especially my dad. But I can\u2019t lie to him either so I\u2019m grateful when the buzzer rings again. I give dad a quick kiss and run off to the door to answer Paul, our doorman.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou didn\u2019t answer me!\u201d I hear Dad bellow behind me. Pressing my lips together, I try to hold back a giggle. He\u2019s all bark when it comes to me. I try not to take too much advantage of this but I figure mom has covered this all with him or Nate wouldn\u2019t still be breathing. At least I hope he\u2019s still breathing. I\u2019ll have to text him tonight. Just to see what\u2019s up.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey Paul,\u201d I say into the intercom.<\/p>\n

\u201cGreta\u2019s on her way up,\u201d he responds. \u201cHow you feeling?\u201d The\u00a0how you<\/em>\u00a0comes out as one word. Paul sounds and looks like the South Side boxer that he once was. I guess Uncle Noah found him in a gym one day, kind of down on his luck. Uncle Noah cleaned him up and now he\u2019s the doorman at our building. He\u2019s more like security. I mean, no one\u2019s getting passed Paul up to our penthouse floor without the person being totally safe.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m good Paul. Real good. My weight\u2019s up and I haven\u2019t been puking or anything.\u201d Everyone knows about my condition in our building. At least all the staff. This is part of what I\u2019m going to miss but if spending six months in intensive treatment and therapy makes me come home sooner then that\u2019s a worthwhile trade.<\/p>\n

\u201cGlad to hear it. We\u2019ll all miss you when your gone.\u201d Paul\u2019s voice is gravelly. I wonder if his larnyx was damaged with a throat punch. I\u2019ve wondered a lot of things about Paul but he\u2019s too scary for me to ask. But I keep talking to him because as long as I\u2019ve got him on the phone, my glowering parental unit won\u2019t interrupt.<\/p>\n

Tchaikovsky\u2019s Swan Lake introductory notes signal Greta\u2019s arrival. \u201cGotta run, Paul. Greta\u2019s here.\u201d Paul says goodbye. I toss my dad a bone before I open the front door.<\/p>\n

\u201cI hear you Daddy.\u201d But I don\u2019t give him even a moment to respond before I pull Greta into the apartment and hustle her down to my bedroom.<\/p>\n

\u201cHulloooo Mr. Randolph,\u201d Greta coos. The blatant appreciation Greta has for my dad usually strikes me wrong but today I\u2019m grateful because Dad\u2019s face turns white and he stalks off to his office. Greta fans herself with a hand. \u201cYour dad is smoking hot. I would so do him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGreta, jeez, my dad, really?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Charlotte. Your dad. And Noah. God, I\u2019d do the whole Jackson family.\u201d She flops onto the bed and stares up at the ceiling lost in a little fantasy that I don\u2019t want shared with me.<\/p>\n

\u201cCall dibs on Nate,\u201d I say lightly.<\/p>\n

\u201cMmmm.\u201d<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know what that sound means but Greta\u2019s the one friend from gymnastics that also goes to North Prep with me. Maybe if we didn\u2019t have gymnastics to tie us together we wouldn\u2019t be friends because Greta and I are pretty different even before I got sick.<\/p>\n

She\u2019s just interested in other things like going to concerts and using her dad\u2019s connections to go backstage. She\u2019d like NorthPrep to be a reality tv series and is constantly roaming the hallways filming people with her camera phone. It gets her in trouble from time to time. Actually what gets Greta in trouble is that she doesn\u2019t believe in monogamy. Monogamy is for small minded people and since I\u2019ve never had a boyfriend I figure I\u2019ve got no place to judge.<\/p>\n

But now that I\u2019ve accepted that I have really strong feelings for Nate, the idea of him with another girl makes me feel like puking.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s with the icky face. You still sick?\u201d Greta asks, sitting up now and leaning back against her hands.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d I sigh. Sitting down in my egg shaped chair across from her, I pull up my legs and confess. \u201cIt\u2019s this girl who lives downstairs.\u00a0Madeline? She\u2019s a college student. I think her and Nate had something going on one time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat makes you say that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause I saw her walk in with him once and she was touching him and it just looked\u2026\u201d I search for the right word.<\/p>\n

\u201cIntimate?\u201d Greta suggests.\u00a0\u201cWhere\u2019d so\u00a0touch him? On the arm? What?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe waist. Like she ran her hand down over his shirt.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, they\u2019ve fucked,\u201d Greta confirms.\u00a0\u201cSo your going to have Nate take your v-card, huh? That\u2019s memorable.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFor him or me?\u201d I ask, still thinking of Madeline\u2019s hand on Nate\u2019s shirt. When I saw it, I wanted to run over and rip her away from him but since I was on my way to a doctor\u2019s appointment with my mom, I mumbled some sort of greeting and left.<\/p>\n

\u201cFor you. Maybe for him. Depends on how many virgins he\u2019s had. What\u2019s the count do you think?\u201d Greta asks.<\/p>\n

\u201cGod, I have no idea. I try not to think about that.\u201d I place my hand over my stomach to quell the churning.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d guess a few because he\u2019s had sex with several of the North Prep girls and they can\u2019t all have been having sex before Nate, right? I mean, if I was going to give it up the first time, it\u2019d be with a Jackson for sure.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy?\u201d I ask. I haven\u2019t given it much thought. Not like Greta has.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause they are both super hot. They are nice guys, like they\u00a0open doors for you and will carry shit if you ask them to without complaining. And they\u2019re super kind to you.\u201d Greta enumerates.\u00a0\u201cIt just seems like they aren\u2019t selfish pricks in life so they wouldn\u2019t be selfish pricks in bed. Nathan Jackson is a good choice.\u201d<\/p>\n

I haven\u2019t told anyone about my crush on Nate because I thought\u2026well, it would be stupid. I mean, Nick knows because he\u2019s my best friend and I can\u2019t really keep anything from him. But I don\u2019t feel comfortable talking to him about\u00a0having sex with his brother. I certainly can\u2019t ask him for what I asked Greta to bring me.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo where\u2019s this going to take place?\u201d Greta looks around.\u00a0\u201cNot here, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

I bite my lip and nod slowly.\u00a0\u201cWhere else?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDunno. Rumor was that you guys were doing it in the training room after or during football practice.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d I\u00a0exclaim, sitting forward.\u00a0\u201cI was\u00a0sleeping!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I mean, after the EMTs came we all figured it wasn\u2019t sex, but who knows. Maybe you were doing something kinky and Nate hurt you necessitating medical first aid.\u201d Greta wiggles her eyebrows.<\/p>\n

\u201cI have no idea what that could be and I don\u2019t want to know.\u201d I hold up a hand to forestall any further discussion on that point.\u00a0\u201cIs that really\u00a0what everyone is saying?\u201d<\/p>\n

Greta gives me a half smile.\u00a0\u201cWho knows? People are gonna talk. Does that really bother you? I mean, having sex with Nate Jackson is nothing to be\u00a0embarrassed about. If it were me, I\u2019d have fliers made up. Hand them around school.\u201d<\/p>\n

This makes me laugh because she so would.\u00a0\u201cI think when I do have sex with Nate it\u2019ll be apparent on my face. You won\u2019t need a flier.\u201d<\/p>\n

Greta guffaws and then hops up. Pulling a bunch of square wrappers out of her purse she lays them on the bed. \u201cOkay, I got these from my sister. She says there are different sizes. You know what size Nate is?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI have no idea,\u201d I say slowly as I take in the dizzying array in front of me.<\/p>\n

\u201cNever felt him up?\u201d She asks incredulously.\u00a0\u201cNot even through his jeans?\u201d<\/p>\n

I shake my head. Placing her hands on her hips, she asks in amazement.\u00a0\u201cHow do you know he\u2019s even going to agree to this. Have you guys even kissed?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNope.\u201d I can\u2019t explain to Greta the connection I have\u00a0with Nate and how I\u2019ve felt tethered to him all my life in a way that I\u2019m not linked to anyone else in the world. Not my\u00a0parents, not Nick. No one. I just know that I want my first intimate physical encounter to be with Nate. The world may end tomorrow. He might end up\u00a0marrying Madeline. I know he\u2019s been with other girls but there\u2019s some deep seeded belief that Nate will do anything for me, including this one thing that I want so\u00a0desperately before I leave. He won\u2019t turn me away or make me feel bad. This is a truth that is so solid yet unexplainable to someone else\u00a0outside of us. Nate and I\u2026we were meant to be together in some way.<\/p>\n

He just needed a push and I was going to provide that to him. If not tonight then before the week was out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Charlotte \u201cSo you\u2019re having nighttime visitors now?\u201d Dad asks me over dinner. Mom\u2019s at a work dinner and it\u2019s just…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2475,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-694","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-charlotte-chronicles","charlotte-chronicles"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jenfrederick.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/694","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jenfrederick.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jenfrederick.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jenfrederick.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jenfrederick.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=694"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.jenfrederick.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/694\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jenfrederick.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2475"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jenfrederick.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=694"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jenfrederick.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=694"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jenfrederick.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=694"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}